I’m slowly experiencing the damaging effects that pride can do to some of the most important things in life.  It’s agonizing.  I didn’t used to think of it as that big of a deal, but I see now it’s hurting my relationships with God and everyone else around me.  

A while ago, I read an article about a Christian musician who would openly confess his shortcomings and failures in front of his audiences at his own concerts.  The purpose of this was to make sure he wouldn’t think of himself greater than the audience he was performing in front of and to let his fans know that he was going through tough times, like everyone else.  (I forgot his name; if anyone could tell me that would be great, thanks)

I didn’t think about it too much when I first read it, but now that I think about it, I think what he is doing is so right.  Pride hits so hard when you’re not expecting it. 

I think with the internet and tumblr and facebook and twitter and all those snazzy social networking websites, there’s this image created by each person by only allowing the most favorable side of a person to be shown.  Only the pictures that are the coolest or most shocking or have the hair falling the right way are posted.  Only posts about how awesome life has been are shared.  Only posts about how hard our life is (all while expecting sympathy comments) are revealed.  I’m not saying that those are bad; I really do enjoy seeing and reading what things people are doing (or overcoming) and I think that’s what these websites are really good at.  But I’ve definitely noticed this phenomenon in my life where I consciously only allow what’s pretty of me to be shown, and hiding the ugly deep in me, just like what I’ve been basically doing with my tumblr.

And that little pretty cute side of me is elevated when I see all those likes and hearts and comments that just make me feel so darn great.  ”You want more deep and witty and sensational posts?  Then by golly, I will deliver!” 

I want to take a lesson out of that Christian musician’s life and start have posts in the future about some of the things that I’ve personally struggled with and failed at and have buried deep down.  I don’t think it’s going to be pretty, it might seem funny to some people, some of it might be plain confusing, and people might wonder why I’m just making myself look like an idiot.  But I’ve been trying to pray more focused and re-learning how to love God recently, and I’m just constantly reminded that pride is affecting my relationship with Him and my family and friends.  I just want to think about myself less and think about others around me and more importantly, God, constantly.  

In the end, I am really nothing.  Compare me to the billions of individuals who have entered and exited this world, I’m nothing to mankind.  Even more, compare me to God, who is infinite and vast and all encompassing, I am even smaller than that nothing.  

John Piper says it pretty well:

I strive to cultivate a joy in Christ and his wisdom and power and justice and love that is more satisfying than the pleasures of human praise, with the goal that, by the Spirit, I would be granted the miracle of self-forgetfulness in the admiration of Christ, and in love toward people.

The ironic thing is that this post is still available for comment and likes and all that jazz.  But I’m through with all this “liking” business.  You don’t have to “like” me, literally.  It doesn’t matter to me in the end now.

And further irony is that wouldn’t these posts just draw more attention to me and more possibility that my pride would continue?  Am I allowing myself to have an opportunity to have pride in my humility?  

I guess bottom line is that I want to on-purposefully bring myself down and recognize how everything in my life is from God and not of my own doing.